#32
I don’t know how many more of these I’m going to be writing. Not that I think of you any less that I have for the last seven months, but I feel that this is becoming counter productive for me to have to write out how I feel about you so I can recap on a later day, even though I’ve been through this sort of thing too many times before to be able to forget how it feels. You’re supposed to be different. It wasn’t supposed to end up like every else has for me before. I mean, I’m not saying I was thinking way far ahead, but I wasn’t planning for it to just end either. I’m sure neither were you and things just happen the way they happen for specific reasons that we’re not supposed to know until we’re supposed to know, but that sucks.
This has been really something else for me. I really had invested myself in this, in more aspects than just giving my heart away. It really seemed like my life was so much brighter all around with you, because it really sincerely was. Like I’ve stated before, it’s not because you were so much of an integral part of me functioning. It was just because you taught me so much about how I’m supposed to live my life in order to feel better about myself and more whole as a person. I’m doing everything I said I would do. I’m working on myself and writing some of the best music I’ve ever made, but I just haven’t felt like myself much lately. I’m thinking it all just comes with time. Eventually, I’ll feel better about things and just be able to live normally again, but you’re not supposed to be just another person that comes into my life just to leave an imprint then leave. Four years of hopeful waiting, materialized into the best summer of my life and a brand new record that I’ve been working on for months now, and now… I don’t know how to feel.
I’ve been through this before. Every part of me is anchored deep into the shore while my ship is desperately trying to break out to sea, as I watch yours float farther and farther away. This island was home. This was everything I’ve grown to hold so dearly, and now I’m being forced to leave. What am I supposed to do?
For now, I’ll write my songs, tell my stories, and set sail. God’s wind will take our sails and bring us to where we’re supposed to go. I’m praying He brings you back to me someday.
