#17
This past year has made me grow so much as a person, especially the last few months and weeks. It’s scary how you can lose yourself in the life of another, only to find yourself again through someone else. I forgot who I was and I lost sight of where I wanted to be, but it’s funny that a line from a song I wrote was a catalyst for me to find myself again.
“Days like this, they make you lose track of things that you wish you could have back. Just open your eyes and see what’s in front of you.”
She was always around, never thought of me different. She might’ve thought I was creepy when I asked to sit next to her the first day of freshman year, but I guess she warmed up to me somehow. It took me four years to see she was right there the whole time.
And it was something she said to me that made me really understand what I know now. “Well, I’m happy but you need to be happy for yourself you know?” And I know this isn’t the first time I’ve heard this, but to be laying on a trampoline looking her square in the eyes and getting that as a response to “If you’re happy, I’m happy.” It was something else. It was like my future was talking to me through her. I need to be happy for myself in order for everything else to just work out for me and honestly, it was hard for me to handle this feeling of sincere and complete happiness because it’s been quite a while, but I’m here now. Of course, there is still some conflict within me, but I wouldn’t be human otherwise.
This is my life now. I am happy and I am free. So many doors closed, but so many open. Now, all I need to do is keep moving forward.
